If you’ve read my past couple of posts or follow me on Instagram, then you know I’ve been somewhat obsessed with The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman for the past week. I was walking through Hastings and just happened to see it on a table. I’ve heard so many great things about it, so I picked it up.
“The problem is that we have overlooked one fundamental truth: People speak different love languages.” -Gary Chapman
The first couple of chapters he spends some time explaining the need to learn and speak our spouse’s love language, the idea of the “love tank,” and the “in love” obsession.
“I liked the metaphor the first time I heard it: Inside every child is an ’emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love.” -Gary Chapman
Then he explains in detail each emotional love language (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch). The stories of couples he’s counseled in the past were so helpful in determining mine and Cambre’s love languages. Once we determined that my love language is quality time and his is acts of service, so many things clicked! We’ve been happily married for three years, but after reading this book I feel like our future is even brighter. Now we understand why we do some of the things we do.
Cambre’s love language is acts of service. When I have the house cleaned, laundry done, or clean his truck out for him, he feels loved. Before reading the book, I just thought he enjoyed having a clean house and being taken care of, but now I realize when I do those things I’m speaking his language. He is always willing to help to others out, even when it is terribly inconvenient for him. Sometimes his helping of others will cause him to sacrifice time at home and it has always bothered me when that happens. I never wanted to be upset with him for helping someone out, but I just couldn’t help it.
But now we’ve had a light bulb go off!
My love language is quality time. I treasure family time with him and LB, and feel most loved when Cambre makes me a part of his day. Even though we live in the same house and see each other everyday, it’s still easy to lose each other in the daily tasks of life. Now I understand why I would get upset with him for going out of his way to help others; because it is taking away from my quality time with him, making me feel less important.
Now that we know what fills up our “love tanks,” we know how to speak each other’s language going forward. Now I can better understand why he wants to help others, even when it is unbelievably inconvenient for him to do so, or why he appreciates so much when I have everything around the house taken care of. And now he understands that, more than anything, I just want his time.
“Meeting my wife’s need for love is a choice I make everyday.” -Gary Chapman
I highly recommend this book! It is a quick read and very affordable. The Five Love Languages will make you understand your spouse, and yourself, better than you did before. And, if you’re like me, you’ll become obsessed with trying to figure out your friend’s and family member’s love languages as well!